i just dun understand. where did we go wrong? where did i go wrong? how did everything so right turn so wrong in a space of an hour or 2? it just hurts so bad. i noe i'm the one who told u to tat it would be much easier to choose ur church over me. but.. can i take it back?
i dun want to let u go. neither do i want u to let go of me. i'm being selfish. and i'm sorry. but i do miss u so. i'm angry. angry at myself. angry for falling for u hard in such a short time. angry for not knowing what i was getting myself into. angry that i can't be the understanding person u want me to be. i tried. believe me i tried. and this where i progressed so far.
i just dun understand. I DUN GET IT! christianity and catholicism. there is a diff and it's a small diff. they dun encourage u to haf relationships outside cuz they dun want u to be led astray. why will i want to do tat? i mean, i love u for who u are rather than what u're religion is. u love ur religion and so do i. i was born a catholic and raised as one. i studied and got my education in a catholic sch for 10 yrs. tat's why i want to stay in my church. i'm not making it very simple am i?
i'm sorry. i was just upset and angry.
maybe u're right. maybe it's better just to go our separate ways. i dunno.
i still dun understand. i guess i never will.
i just find it ironic that we both believe in the same god.. and yet, we can't be together cuz of the same god.
i guess i'm just being selfish.
i wanted to say "i love you" a long time ago. but i didnt think it was appropriate den.
i wanted to tell u that "i love you" tonight.
and i did. but i dunno if u heard.
i whispered it against ur lips.
this morning, u could say i was being silly or thinking too far ahead or whatever, but on the way to school i was planning. i was planning that when u go to army, that i will be the one who will always meet u when u come back from camp. that i will be the one sending u off to camp. that when ur birthday comes, i'll be the one planning it for u, celebrating it with u. these were the things i promised myself i would do for u. tonight, after spending the day with u, i wanted to break that silly promise i made to myself. abt being attached only after i reached 18. i wanted u so much.
i thought i could be strong and be the bigger person by letting u go so that it wouldnt make u so stressed out or guilty abt keeping this relationship secret. but i am really sorry. i couldnt. i really couldnt. i cant. maybe i'm not trying hard enough. but i just dun want to. when u told me abt it first at coffee bean, i started thinking. i think i even started preparing myself den to let u go. but.. during the movie onwards, i thought that maybe i didnt need to. maybe i didnt need to let u go after all. that was my assumption gone wrong.
i dunno what i aim to achieve by writing all these. but i had to let my feelings out somewhere. and this is where i thought it was best. i dun hope to make u feel guilty or angry or anything. i cant even start to hope that u would change ur mind cuz i noe u wont. this is just somewhere tat i can let my feelings out without actually venting it on someone.

Y 2:41 AM